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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to discover that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

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Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|